I was watching an ad for Ambien CR, the sleep medication, and the announcer said that one of the side effects was drowsiness. Well, I hope so. I mean, who would want to take it and one second later ZZZZZZZZ.
Why is it that all the ads for medication show people checking themselves out by looking in the mirror and laughing? I mean, hey, yeah, I might not be depressed anymore, but I’m still fat, you know? I’m not heading for a mirror. I mean, what if they start that in the ED ads? I sure don’t want see some guy admiring himself in the mirror and laughing. “Hey, look at me, I look great. Take a gander at that bulge.”
Those ads always bother me anyway. I mean, who are these people? They are always taking long walks on the beach, playing with their dogs, and gazing longingly into each other’s eyes. Who does that? That’s not real life. That’s life in Happy Medication Land. I’ll bet dogs don’t even poop in Happy Medication Land. Happy Medication Land much be on an island populated with little blue eyed blonde zombie children who are programmed to play football with their dads who are happily sexually active, bake cookies with their mothers who are not depressed, hang out with Grandma (who has no trace of arthritis) and Grandpa who escaped a heart attack by taking a Bayer aspirin.
Speaking of Bayer, my Dad died of a heart attack. One second he was here, the next he wasn’t. I mean, does Bayer have a product for that? Do they have a warp speed Bayer? I mean, if people have the time to go get a glass of water, sit down, twist the childproof cap off, pull out all that cotton, and actually take the aspirin – I’m just not all that worried about them. Call the hospital if you’re having a heart attack! Don’t take the time to sit down and have tea time with your grandkids. No kid wants the memory of watching Grandpa take a header in the scrambled eggs because of a heart attack. “I don’t know what happened, Mom. Grandpa took some Bayer, sat down for tea, and then boom!” I mean, that kid is not going to eat scrambled eggs for a long time.
I finally figured out who those car ad people are marketing to – the hearing impaired. Right? I mean, that has to be it. I’m pretty sure even dead people can hear the car ad announcer. IT’S A BEAUTIFUL CAR. ONLY $$$$$ WITH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I mean, have you ever been at a stop light when one of those commercials comes on the radio? It’s worse than the cars pumping out diesel bass. I mean, you’re sitting there listening to calming talk radio and then the car ad comes on. People are glaring at you as you scrambled for the volume knob. “Sorry. Sorry. Just a car ad. I’ll turn it down. Sorry.”
Why do they think that yelling at me is going to make me want to buy a car? Yelling at me never made me want to do anything. What I want to see is a mellow car ad. You know, some average person saying, “Yeah, see here, this car, it’ll get you from one place to anther, fairly reliable, and comes in all these nice colors. I’ve had mine for ten years now, and it still works.”
Now, I’d buy that car.
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