Klutzy Korner

After my last post, I got to thinking about all the klutzy things I’ve done. I have quite the collection. So, I thought I’d share of the funnier-now-than-they-were-then moments with you.

Childhood:
I once rode my Smurfette Big Wheel into a chain link fence and chipped my front tooth.

High School:
I dropped a newborn baby ON HIS HEAD while watching him in the church nursery. His mother was extremely gracious, but I’ve been afraid to hold newborns ever since.

As a semi-cheerleader, I vaulted over the senior class’ concession stand, mid-cartwheel, during a basketball game. I landed in the popcorn machine which then broke under my weight.

On a youth group camping trip, I tried to use a camping shower. I got tangled up in the shower curtain, hit my head on the towel rack, and actually lost consciousness for a minute.

College:
My roommate and I were halfway into the rendition of You Are The One I Want (from Grease) when I pretended to be head banging on a guitar. I slammed my head down into the bunk bed headboard, which happened to have a metal pin sticking out of it. As I danced around in pain, clutching my face, my roommate tried to dial 9-1-1. She thought I had put my eye out on the metal pin. Thankfully, I stopped dancing around long enough to show her I’d just put a huge lump on my forehead instead. A few more inches though, and who knows?

I was walking to work, listening to my walkman, oblivious to the world, when I saw a good looking man signaling to me. I was flattered, but not interested, since I was already in a relationship. I tried to ignore him, but he just kept signaling and signaling. Until I walked head on into a giant planter that the Chicago City Department had just moved that morning. When I looked back at him, my business suit covered in dirt, he was just shaking his head.

Again, I was on my way to work, listening to my walkman, and I stepped off of the curb when the light changed. I didn’t see the HUGE crack in the blacktop until the last minute when my shoe got stuck in it. I went tumbling down, tried to catch myself and managed to snap the bone in my pinkie finger. I spent the rest of the day at the hospital, getting my broken finger tended to, and listening to City of Chicago lawyers trying to get me not to sue. Like I would, anyway. Geesh! It was just a broken finger!

Work:
I was coming out of the bathroom when I slipped on a wet floor. I tried to grab the door handle to catch myself but missed it completely. Since my hands were up, I landed hard on my head and proceeded to sprain my ankle in the process.

Marriage:
I was coming out of the shower as Brett was going in. I tried to flip my hair down by the sink, so I could put a towel around it. I misjudged the distance though and cracked my head on the bathroom’s marble countertop. I literally saw stars and bursts of light. Brett laughed all the way to the freezer as he got me a bag of frozen peas for my aching head.

When it wasn’t my fault, at all!
When Brett and I were first married, we were both still adjusting to having someone else in the bed with us. One night, I felt a blinding pain in my head. It was so horrible I sat up in bed and grabbed at my head. I was convinced it was a brain aneurism; it hurt so badly.

As the pain subsided, I realized it couldn’t be an aneurism, as I was still alive. Gingerly feeling the back of my head, I discovered a huge chunk of my hair was missing! I looked over at my still-asleep husband. Sure enough, there was a big chunk of my hair all over his arm. As it turns out, some of my hair had fallen in the crook of his elbow during the night. He’d simply (and unconsciously) closed his arm and rolled over – yanking my hair out my head with him. I’ve never let him forget that!

So, there you have it, my klutziness in black and white.

Sometimes, I think God has very good reasons for not trusting me with kids, just yet.