Am I the only one who wakes up and realizes I have not been taking charge of my own life?
I mean, not that I SHOULD take charge of my life…obviously, my life is the Lord’s, and He should take charge of it. What I mean is that – lately - I’ve been so apathetic (pathetic, too) I’ve not even opened up my heart to the Lord TO take charge of it.
I was deeply convicted the other day of my own laziness.
I have been doing the absolute minimum to get by lately. I take a shower, get dressed, feed the bunnies, and do the absolutely minimum in care and feeding of myself – laundry and dishes only, so much so – that our house has fallen into disarray.
Now, I know what you are thinking – probably what I thought originally. That Brett should be helping out and doing stuff around the house, too. And you’re right. He should.
But this conviction wasn’t about Brett. It was about me.
God was specifically convicting me to get off my well-padded seat. To go forth and do something.
I know how this happened. And not to drag my unsuspecting husband back into the fray, I think it did start with him. Once upon a time, I had energy and motivation to DO THINGS. I would start the day off with a song, work hard all day, get home and just keep going.
After a while, I noticed my husband dragged himself out of bed, went to work, came home, and sacked out on the couch for the rest of the night to watch TV. It used to annoy the crackers out of me. After years of him doing NOTHING after work, I decided to go on strike.
“That’ll show him,” I thought.
So, when we got home, we’d both sack out in our separate chairs and watch TV. When he’d make rumblings about what to have for dinner, I’d tell him I already had a bagel and cream cheese. I was SO not making his dinner. I mean, REALLY, we were both adults, and if we weren’t BOTH going to contribute, then he could just amble out and make his own sandwich.
Now, here’s about when I get fuzzy on what happened. Somewhere in all the “pretending,” somewhere in all the “on strike” business, I started to enjoy just relaxing at night after work.
I liked coming home and doing nothing.
Oh, the dust and the cobwebs bothered me, but not enough to be the ONLY ONE TO EVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT (sighed the martyr).
Oh, but…as He always does…the Lord brought me back down to earth.
I’m not responsible for my lazy husband.
I’m responsible for my lazy ME.
I’m the one who has to stand before the Lord of the Universe and explain why I chose to watch Big Brother 9 instead of cleaning when I was FULLY AWARE God’s will for the moment included cleaning – and taking care of the house He had given me, as a faithful steward.
I can’t imagine there would be a good excuse, and I’ve no doubt I’ll be on the floor babbling when that time comes.
However, the conviction was obvious. I prayed and asked the Lord specifically what I should do. It really wasn’t much of a puzzle, as I immediately knew the answer was to cut way down on the TV.
And, obviously, not to watch TV and eat at the same time (therefore getting drawn in and never getting up before bed).
So, I made a decision. I’m not going to watch TV this week. And I’m going to see what I can get done with all that time.
There are probably a lot of you out there who think, “Who has time for TV? I’m lucky to get to sit down.” And you’re right.
Sometimes, I think having children forces responsibility and time management in ways that those of us who don’t have children have to learn on our own. And it’s not easy.
Especially when you know you can get away with it.
I know it’s a small, tiny thing. But I’m asking for your prayer…since I know I’m going to need it!