Saturday, March 15, 2008

Fu-Manchu

This is just a warning for all those people who will be seeing Brett and me in the next few days.

This morning, my fashion-forward (and normally sane) husband shaved his mustache into a Fu-Manchu.

I, of course, took the high road of any submissive, supportive wife.

I said, “What did you do to your face? You look like a cheesy used-car salesman out of 1972.”

Considering what I was actually thinking, it was the kindest thing I could have said.

My husband said, “You don’t like it?”

I said, “Were you trying to look like a cheesy used-car salesman out of 1972?”

Pointed look from Roy, Used Car Salesman.

I said, “Remember how when we first started dating, and you wore that bandanna tied around your head, and I laughed so hard I cried? Then after you took it off, your roommate thanked me?”

Roy - still giving me the evil eye.

I went on, “Remember after we started dating, I asked you to cut your long hair and shave your Grizzly Adams beard? Remember how your Mom called me, even though she didn’t know me, to thank me?”

“Well, I like it,” said Roy stroking the ‘chu and making my stomach queasy. “Besides, how would you like it if I made fun of how you looked?”

“Babe, I don’t mean to pull rank here, but if one of us knows fashion and trends it’s me, not you, Mr.-Stuck-In-The-80’s.” I said. “Remember how you tried to talk me into wearing hats at our wedding. Hats!”

(He did in fact try to get me to ask my bridesmaids to wear big, floppy hats – which was apparently all the rage in the 80’s when his brother got married. I have never let him forget this.)

“Fine! I’m going to get my hair cut today, and I’ll just ask the stylist if she thinks it looks stupid,” Brett said, storming out of our bedroom.

“As opposed to your WIFE?” I yelled down the stairs.

Now, I love our stylists. They are wonderful people. But they are also fond of pink hair, mohawks, body piercing, and canvas-size tattoos. I’m afraid Brett will leave Cost-Cutters believing his new Fu-Manchu is the height of hirsute fashion.

Though presumably not a pink Mohawk.

Oh dear, NOT a pink Mohawk!

Roy has not yet shaved it off. He thinks it looks cool.

It will go a long way to discourage this travesty if you’ll all join with me in calling him Roy, or at least ask if he knows a nice place to buy a used car.

Trust me, after you see it, you’ll thank me.

7 comments:

CANDICE said...

Since when did Brett have a mustache? Now Fu-Manchu? Where have i been. I didn't know he could even grow hair on his face? lol. Well I'll let you have fun with that. I"m still laughing by the way. I've been laughing since I read this post!

mom2mine said...

Well, there must be something in the air, because my baby faced husband decided to grow mustache and goatee about three weeks ago. Now he has a half dead caterpillar on his lip and a a soul patch that has lost its soul. Rough.

He loves it. I keep waiting for him to see the light.

Maybe we should just pray for them.


(I must be wearing my spiritual hat)

Alice said...

Uh, less making fun of the 80s, OK? :-) I think, though, that a good rule of thumb for head gear is that if it's known as a "do-rag" it's probably not a good idea. Also, maybe you could let him know that the Village People sported very similar handlebar mustaches. Just sayin'. Guys usually shy away from anything remotely Village People. At least...most guys.

Ann-Marie said...

Oh, Alice - you can't live with my husband and NOT want to make fun of the 80’s.

For Brett, pop culture all but stopped in the 80's. It's been a challenge to bring him into a new decade every 10 years. For instance, the man will occasionally want to wear a beret, like the snipers did in the 80’s war movies. (Alert: He's not a sniper!)

Oh, it never ends, I tell you.

Ann-Marie said...

Tancy - All three of our pastors have facial hair, so now it's like a joke at our church that men who are spiritual have facial hair!

*I should note NONE of them sport a Fu-Manchu - so Brett's (ahead of/behind) the curve there!

Heidi said...

Somehow, I think Brett would take Village People as a compliment, all in good fun of course, we love Brett.
I was opposed to my husband growing facial hair (that would have been 9 years ago). Now I laugh thinking of him without his goatee and mustache.

WendyJanelle said...

Okay, I've read this post twice, and laughed my tush off twice...but the comments are just as funny!

You people are hilarious...and mean to those poor husbands. (And I won't tell you that my husband thinks he shouldn't shave because it makes him look 20, so he *tries* to grow some hair, but it's like half-white!! What the?? And it never comes in fully. Strange. I just wish he would SHAVE!!)

Yes, we need to "pray for them!"