Thursday’s Tale

I was in college, and I was broke.

I knew I needed money to finish college, and I was scrambling - asking everyone I knew if they knew of any jobs. Luckily, a friend of mine told me that Adam Sandler - the funnyman actor from Saturday Night Live, Happy Gilmore, and many other raunchy films - was looking for someone to clean one of his many homes.

Immediately, I remembered I had actually met Adam once at a friend’s party. I went through my scrapbooks and located a blurry photo of me and Adam posing goofily with our arms slung around each other’s shoulders.

I called home and asked Mom and Gary if they’d be interested in moving to California and cleaning Adam Sandler’s home with me as a way to earn money for my college expenses. They were excited at the prospect and quickly agreed.

The three of us ended up in a palatial home in the Hollywood Hills. We started cleaning and hardly ever saw a glimpse of Adam. A few months later, Adam was hanging around his game room when I came in to clean. He challenged me to a game of pinball and before I knew it, we were laughing and talking.

Over the next few months, Adam and I became friends. It quickly became obvious we were also romantically interested in each other. My mother began to pressure me into talking about marriage with Adam. “Get that ring,” she’d say to me. “Then, think of all the money you’ll have.”

“But, Mom,” I argued. “I really need to finish college. It’s important to me.”

“Get that ring,” she’d repeat loudly.

Adam sensed I was under pressure and told me he understood I needed to go to college. He told me to follow my dream and sent me off with his blessing.

I took the helicopter flight to Boulder, Colorado where I planned to attend Boulder University. The snow was blinding white, and I eagerly embraced the cold weather. I made my way up the concrete stairs, under the hunter green awning that proudly proclaimed Boulder University in sleek gold letters.

I stopped by the reception desk where I was surprised to find the former president of my previous college, Dr. Joseph Stowell, working as the harried receptionist. I checked in with him and headed up to my new dorm room.

Another pleasant surprise awaited me when I met my new roommate. It was my cousin Candice! She had brought along her beautiful daughter, Brielle. I excitedly picked up Brielle and could not have been more shocked when she told me in a very grown up voice to, “Back off!”

Candice told me it was just phase Brielle was going through and admonished her daughter.

My cell phone rang just then. I answered it and smiled when I heard Adam’s voice on the other end asking how I was enjoying my first day of college. I started to answer him.

And then I woke up.