The Thin Pink Line

Well, I have to buy another pregnancy test.

Brett and I have been married for almost seven years. In that time, I’ve taken at least 20 pregnancy tests.

I hate pregnancy tests. I hate taking them.

Why?

Because I’m a good student.

That’s right. I never, ever failed a test in my entire scholastic career. And yet that little white stick and ONE PINK LINE (it’s only ever ONE pink line, NEVER two) makes me feel like a disappointment in so many ways. Because, 20 times out of 20, I’ve failed that test. I just can’t seem to get it right.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m always disappointed when I take (and fail) the tests, because (let’s face it) I’d like an “A” for once. But the truth of the matter is that God has given Brett and me peace concerning our possible infertility.

We are grateful God has given us peace and contentment on this point. We know people who feel like their lives would not be worth living unless they had children to raise. I like to think about the people in the Bible who had no children and still managed to serve God. There are many, and they give me comfort when I feel the external pressure to HAVE KIDS.

And there IS pressure, let me tell you.

Anyway, the only reason I am taking the test is to rule out the possibility of pregnancy. My cycle is around 60 days now, and that’s a little long, even for someone as erratic as I can be. So, when I take the test, and I fail (and I will), they’ll give me meds to induce my cycle, and the whole random things starts up again.

There’s a reason they call it a cycle, you know? Stop the world, and I’ll get off.

The thing about pregnancy tests is that I always get a little, tiny bit excited – even now – even after 20 times – that maybe, just maybe, I AM pregnant.

And I never am.

So, I’ll start out with the $1 test found (ironically) at The Dollar Tree. Then, when that’s negative, I’ll think, “Well, maybe it’s wrong. It’s just a cheap test.” Then, I’ll go out and buy the $23.99 test and get the exact same results.

It’s not enough that I’m not pregnant, but I have to pay through the nose to be disappointed? Stinks, doesn’t it?

And what a WAY to find out. You can bet that if men were pregnant they wouldn’t be peeing on a stick. They would have high class medical tests that involved no bodily fluids whatsoever. Just a pregnancy scan or something.

You can BET! Just look at all the ED treatments. And we’re still peeing on sticks like in the 1950’s. It’s a racket.

Oh, well. So, I’ll go buy a test. Pay too much. Be disappointed. Just so they can give me meds to induce something I’d rather not have anyhow.

Yeesh. Seriously. Stop the world, and I’ll get it off.